“My Life”

My Life

ORVS Live!

Yay! Head on over to www.raptorsafari.com to play zee game. Also, here are some additional Raptor Fun Facts*

Raptor fun fact #108 – Raptors are natural thespians.
Raptor fun fact #109 – If you feed a raptor cheese he will lay eggs for 47 hours.
Raptor fun fact #110 – Raptors will control your house after being in an electrical storm.
Raptor fun fact #111 – Raptors store extra food in a skin pouch that they call a “pizza”.
Raptor fun fact #113 – The Yakuza hire raptors to do their dirty work.
Raptor fun fact #114 – The raptors life span is 666 months.
Raptor fun fact #115 – There’s nothing worse to a raptor than a bad case of shingles.
Raptor fun fact #116 – Raptors read Hustler magazine.
Raptor fun fact #117 – Some raptors are farmers.
Raptor fun fact #118 – Raptors did 9/11
Raptor fun fact #119 – Raptors aren’t “fun”
Raptor fun fact #120 – Raptor came in my house.
Raptor fun fact #121 – Raptors are the goats of the dinosaur world.
Raptor fun fact #122 – Raptors recycle; do you?
Raptor fun fact #123 – Raptors hate croissants.
Raptor fun fact #124 – A raptor will pull a fast one on you.
Raptor fun fact #125 – If you are eaten by a raptor while wearing a hat it will steal your hat to sell on the black market.
Raptor fun fact #126 – Watch your back or you’ll get raptor’d.
Raptor fun fact #127 – A raptor can puke so hard he can sand blast a 12’x12′ wall in 0.4 seconds.
Raptor fun fact #128 – Raptors second favorite mode of transportation (after streetcar) is bicycle.
Raptor fun fact #129 – Raptors keep their emotions bottled up inside.
Raptor fun fact #130 – Raptors transport grain in a wheeled cart called a “thetch.”
Raptor fun fact #131 – Raptors do not tolerate laughter.
Raptor fun fact #132 – A raptor with a glass eye is still called “SCREEEECH!”
Raptor fun fact #133 – Baby raptors are called raptorlings (pronounced “SCREEECH!”)
Raptor fun fact # 134 – Most raptors are lactose intolerant
Raptor fun fact # 135 – Raptor milk is an aphrodisiac, but only to bears.
Raptor fun fact # 136 – Raptor Jesus is a jealous god. Thou shalt have no Raptor Jesus before Him.
Raptor fun fact #137 – A raptor will never listen to The Beach Boys.
Raptor fun fact #138 – 6 in 10 raptor automobile fatalities involve an off-road vehicle
Raptor fun fact #139 – A raptor in the future is like blender in a hamster factory
Raptor fun fact #140 – Do not invite a raptor to your birthday party.
Raptor fun fact #141 – If you are invited to a raptor’s birthday party, say yes but plan to leave early.
Raptor fun fact #142 – The only thing you can trade with a raptor at the river is your life.
Raptor fun fact #143 – Raptors love monopolies.
Raptor fun fact #144 – The raptors favorite artistic tool is a spirograph.
Raptor fun fact #145 – Raptors always need floaties at the pool, or they’ll drown.
Raptor fun fact #146 – Raptors hate web 2.0. because they only know html.
Raptor fun fact #147 – Raptors love listening to jam band music while eating hot dogs…but because of their rich culture full of traditions, they cannot do so.
Raptor fun fact #148 – Raptors love George Michael despite being banned from his concerts.
Raptor fun fact #149 – When a raptor’s wife is showing too much cleavage he is legally allowed to claw her up to three times.
Raptor fun fact #150 – Raptors run in the night with vampires.
Raptor fun fact #151 – Don’t ever bathe in a raptor’s afterbirth.
Raptor fun fact #152 – Gabriel is the most common raptor name.
Raptor fun fact #153 – When visiting Vegas raptors will only stay in Treasure Island.
Raptor fun fact #154 – When attacked all raptors form a raptor milita known as the Great Brown Lamps.
Raptor fun fact #155 – Believe it or not human is not a traditional dish at raptor weddings.
Raptor fun fact #156 – Raptors are pro unicorn.
Raptor fun fact #157 – Raptors can’t get past medium on “Through Fire and Flames.”
Raptor fun fact #158 – Raptors are elite socialites that demand the best products in the world.
Raptor fun fact #159 – You never argue with the ref in raptor soccer game.
Raptor fun fact #160 – Raptors take Valentines Day deadly serious.
Raptor fun fact #161 – “Raptor Hammock”
Raptor Fun Fact #162- Only a Raptor may refer to himself as Ralph.
Raptor Fun Fact #163- You might cook with aluminum, but Raptors only use steel.
Raptor Fun Fact #164- When this log rolls over these Raptors will be dead.
Raptor Fun Fact #165- Pencil shavings keep a Raptor busy for hours.
Raptor Fun Fact #166- Raptors also do not appreciate Rickets.
Raptor Fun Fact #167- The only proper phrase to whisper to a Raptor is: “clever girl!”
Raptor Fun Fact #168- A vacationing Raptor in shades will resemble a cross between Sylvester Stallone and Matthew McConaughey.
Raptor Fun Fact #169- An open door for a Raptor usually means coffee.
Raptor Fun Fact #170- If you invite a Raptor for a ride you’d better be ready for a game of table top football played with a dehydrated armadillo kidney.
Raptor Fun Fact #171- Raptor meat can be substituted for soy jerky or awful.

*Special thanks to Amy, Bryan Manning, Chris Manning, Mike Brendan, Chriag, and Adam for contributing amazing raptor facts!!!

Velociraptor Safari (!!!)

Open Unity –> Drink heavily–> Black out –> ??? –> = ORVS $$$


So apparently the internet was desperately craving a game in which you hunt down feathered velociraptors in an off-road vehicle and send them forward in time to be made into Num-Nums© brand Raptortacos. Who knew? I can’t really remember where the idea came from; like most funny things I think it came out of random jokery. Or maybe we were just drunk. It’s hard to remember things when you’re sitting on anthills of genius. I’m pretty sure there was at least one Mechtley involved, though.

Cheers, internet. You truly are a series of tubes.

Tip ‘o the Monocle to Sir Kyle


Kyle posted his neato robot destruction game. Play it and experience trembling terror at the skills of a superhero one-man game development studio named Gabler!


It’s a neat nod to what has become a webgame metagenre, the “Tower Defense” game. I look forward to the day when we won’t name genres for influential games and will instead have an understanding of how interactivity is constructed, why a certain combination of mechanics and content seem to harmonize so well, and where it’s reasonable to draw the genre lines. Somebody solve this problem! Anyhow, big ups to my main man Kyle, he of the Indie Midas Touch :P.

“The Candidate”

And then it hit me. What we as Americans really want in order to decide our next leader is…a reality show! Think about it; contestants could be recorded around the clock without the benefit of their speechwriters and consultants, we could put them through a bunch of asinine “leadership challenges” like managing a McDonald’s for a day, and we could verify what we’ve always known: that they’d gladly eat hissing cockroaches to become president. We could find out who they really are – it’d be amazing!

It would be hosted by James Carville since he apparently wants to get into acting.

Season 1, Episode 1 Challenge: come up with a viable Iraq strategy in 24 hours or less and present it to congress. Winner gets immunity next round and a $100 Chevron gas card.

Best hat evar!

Seriously. God, I need to make an airship game.